Is there a light at the end of this dark cave I've crawled into?

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like without all of these characters in my head, chattering away, nagging me to let them out.  Quieter?  More organized?  More focused?

Starting out, I just scribbled poems and stories for myself.  It was my therapy of choice.  Then, there was the first main character.  I was only concerned with building her world, at first.  And that world kept getting bigger and bigger....

I spent too many years working too many hours at a job that left me too exhausted to focus on writing, so I feel like I'm way behind in the game.  I've read more articles, essays and blog posts about the craft, the business, the art, the culture, the trends, and the futility of a writing career than I can count.  At some point, it all starts to bleed together into one big sign that screams Do Not Enter.  But those are my favorite places to go!

Despite the seeming pointlessness of trying to write books, fictional novels more specifically, I foolishly decided to listen to the characters who wouldn't stop talking.  Now, there are six distinct worlds in which I write.  But the more time I spend in them, the more I feel like I'm burrowing deeper in a cave.  The world continues to revolve around the sun, and I'm here in another one, trying to give it life.

At any given time or place, a large portion of my mind is somewhere else creating scenes, characters, stories, and sometimes I drift over there.  It's not intentional.  I don't mean to be inattentive.  It's just the embers of a story in my brain never completely go out.  The flames may die down, for months and years at a time, but the characters and their worlds are always with me, smoldering.

Do we all seek a light at the end of the tunnel?  I don't know.  For me, finishing a novel, and going through the process of self-publishing isn't enough.  I don't see a light.  I didn't expect The Shadow Watcher to climb any lists, and it hasn't, because no one knows who I am, or that it exists, really.  Not beyond you, reading my blog, those who've seen posts on Facebook, and family and friends who I've shared it with.  But now that I've gone through the process, I know what to expect, and I'll move through it more quickly with the next book, and the one after that.

All I see are more books that need to be written.  I'll worry about the light later....

I hope you're having a beautiful day!
Roari

I'd rather be in my own little world....

I've been accused of spending more time in one of my own little worlds than the real one.  It's probably true, but not just of being in the worlds of my own creation, I get lost in those of countless other authors and artists as well.  It's an escape from the ugly reality we see on the news, or may even encounter first-hand, every day.

Photo by Alishba Farooqui at Stockvault.net

I can escape into a piece of art, such as the photo above, as easily as a book.  Now that I think about it, various pieces have been inspiration for several of my stories.  Now this, I just saw today, but it could be the flower fields in the valley of Naharran on Isiterra, though there would have to be five moons in the sky.  Really, it's more of a scene out of The Land of All But Forgotten Things.  See the glow of the fairies, waking up in the flowers?  Places like this are what I've dreamed of seeing for as long as I can remember.  Since I can't draw them, I write about them.

The Shadow Watcher is different from from my earlier novel attempts, the landscape looks like your typical Southern California neighborhood.  (If you've seen Roswell, you've seen Novica.)  It's my first novel set in the "real world," and I was intentionally setting out to write something different.  It resulted in my first published novel as well - who knew?

As much as I'm enjoying the endless possibilities here on Earth, I want to hurry up and be done with A Shadow in Doubt already!  Isiterra is calling to me - that world is truly my own, and I've been away too long....

I hope you're having a beautiful day in your corner of the world - or can at least escape to one you prefer!
Roari

The Weight of Time

The Weight of Time

The weight of Time 
presses against my shoulder,
urging me forward, 
on, and on,
toward what end,
I could never imagine,
I only know Time will not wait.


I started that as a post on a poetry blog last May.  I may or may not finish it.  Maybe it is finished.  I don't think so though...   

I was feeling this pressure of time slipping away, like I was missing out on my kid's childhoods, always saying "maybe next year," knowing there are only precious few of those years before they are grown and living their own lives.  (And that I would never finish writing a book.)  We were fortunate at that time to be in a position where I could leave my job to stay home, so I did.  

There is still the pressure of time.  Getting to school.  Getting homework done.  Filling in the holes the dog digs. Editing the sequel to The Shadow Watcher.  It's a different kind of weight, one I don't mind carrying.  Speaking of editing, I'm going to get back to it now...

Enough rambling for one night.  I hope yours is beautiful!

Roari  

Innocence

"Innocence" - Roari Benjamin

And there it was, glittering in the afternoon sun,
A forgotten jewel of memory
Floating above the schoolyard field,
Where the children - running and laughing -
Unlocked it unwittingly with their unknown magic.
To reach out, to take it in hand, would be too much,
Pain, knowing there is no path by which to return.
To try to make them understand,
Would tarnish their lens to look back in time.
It is better they know not the treasure they hold,
The infinite possibilities that may unfold,
For, in that, is the beauty of it all.


(I was inspired spending the afternoon with my daughter's class for "Water Day."  Oh, the memories it brought back...)